I have been pondering the last few weeks a new concept I learned called the fundamental attribution error which is that the tendency for people is to attribute others mistakes to their character and their success to their environment. But when we make a mistake we attribute it to our environment and when we have success we attribute it to our character.
I was watching a television show the other day that centered on parents pushing their children in to celebrity status. One parent’s passion was beauty pageants. She entered her five year old daughter into every pageant she could get her into. She started out winning many of them. However, eventually she started coming in second and third place and always behind one particular contestant. While the mother would try to teach the girl that winning wasn’t the most important thing, she would then turn around to the camera and curse the little girl who was placing higher than her daughter time and time again. She would say things like, I am sick and tired of that family, that girl is not as pretty as mine, those stupid judges don’t know what they are doing etc… etc…
This was fundamental attribution error at its best. When her daughter was winning it was because she was the most talented and prettiest. But when she started losing, it was because the judges weren’t being fair, not that the prettier and more talented girls were beating her.
This can become a real blind spot in our lives. It shifts blame to someone or something else and limits our ability to develop. We do this, according to psychologists, so we can see the world as just and limit our perceived threats. We do it to protect ourselves and particularly our ego.
Parenting leadership creates a need however for us to help our children understand that life isn’t always fair and that they will have to work very hard and continue to develop in order to achieve whatever it is their dreams are. We have many opportunities and situations to teach our children. Lessons about overcoming obstacles and persevering are some of the best lessons we can be taught in life.
It is important to teach that “failure is an event, not a person.” — Zig Ziglar. It’s about learning from our mistakes and getting better. Each person is unique and as leaders our role is to bring out that uniqueness and encourage greatness, whether in business or at home.
MGR
